4/8: The Countdown

I currently have this page up and an hour and ten minutes until the nail-biting refresh. I REALLY don't want the government to shut down because, I mean that would suck. But I also desperately do not want that stupid clause revoking funding for Planned Parenthood to go through. I am lucky enough to be a rich white girl with a strong, independent, liberal mother. When I wanted to go on birth control, I told my mom that I wanted to go on birth control and she asked around work (she's a doctor) to get a recommendation for a good gyno and a month later, I was on birth control. It was easy breezy lemon squeezy. I'm not sexually active but I do have the cramps from hell and I am going to college next year and let's just say that I'm not a huge advocate of abstinence until marriage.

So no, I have never had a pregnancy scare and I can have all of my reproductive needs taken care of by a very good gynecologist who is paid primarily by the very good health insurance provided by the high-end psych hospital my mother works for. But not all of my friends are so lucky. I'm the oldest of my friends and, as such, the first to get a car. The summer I was sixteen, I received a panicked IM from my then-fifteen year old friend telling me that she'd swiped her V Card and now she was late. 2 days later, it turned out she was just late but this was not before I had located every Planned Parenthood in the greater Cincinnati area. Now my best friend has her first boyfriend that I have ever approved of and is contemplating when to swipe her own V Card. She has also informed me that I will be taking her to PP first because no fucking way is she getting pregnant!

So now I've refreshed the page and it seems like the government won't shut down and the GOP has removed that particular clause. Thank god because I have no idea where else to take my friend for cheap birth control that her mother won't find out about. Which is of course an attempt to prevent an abortion EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD RECEIVE NO FEDERAL FUNDING. Jesus Fucking Christ.

Today is awesome because: The closest thing to work I did in any of my classes today was watch Big Fish.

4/7: Blarrgh

I should really get my tonsils out because I have strep for like the 3rd time this year and its only April. So yeah, I'm going to sleep. Blog fail!

Today is awesome because: I got my 2nd Starbucks gift card of the week at lunch today. I love Starbucks.

4/6: Why I hate my Health class

I hate my high school in general. I hate the people with perhaps 12 or so notable exceptions. I hate the teachers with extremely few exception of any kind. I hate having religion shoved forcibly down my throat a minimum of three times per day. And don't even get me started on my guidence counselor! But there are few things about my high school that I hate more than being forced to take freshman health as a senior. Let me list the reasons why:

1. Freshman are annoying. Not all freshman but most of them are. And there are about 3 who aren't in my health class. They think they're hot shit, they list Charlie St. Cloud as their favorite movie, even the cool ones don't know what Pokemon is, and they have Justin Beiber as their desktop backgrounds. And they whine about taking notes which makes me worry about some of the teachers they will have in the future.

2. This year's freshman class are the first to get laptops. So there are 30 people in the class and I am the only one using a pen. The rest of them are emailing each other instead of taking notes, or flipping through their archive of Justin Beiber pictures.

3. The teacher. Holy fucking shit I hate her. I have a very low tolerance for teachers that are less intelligent than me but this one brings "If you can't do, teach" to a whole new level. This is going to require a bulleted list.

• She doesn't understand grammar.
• She doesn't know how to write tests. She gives us these ridiculous lists of like 10 items of things like "The Affects [sic] of Abuse" and then like 50 percent of the tests are spewing several of these lists back IN THEIR ENTIRETY while the rest of the test is the most absurdly easy multiple choice questions ever written. She also doesn't understand how to format current events. You can't write an entire page single spaced about an article that states that cereal is good for you. I can't write an entire page about my opinions on the fact that people should eat more fiber.
  
• She gets facts wrong. All the time. The amount of times I have had to step in and be like, "Actually, we were just talking about this in [Psych, Anatomy, AP Bio] and here's what [Multiple Sclerosis, Schizophrenia, Anabolic Steriods] really is."
• She spends a ridiculous amount of time praising athletic endeavors and cutting down the importance of artistic expression. As someone who has competed since the age of 11 in the sport with the world's highest death toll and is also pursuing a career in performing arts, I can tell you the importance of both but I also know which one I'm going to pursue for the rest of my life. And it's not sports.
• She just spent 90 minutes encouraging a group of 14 year old girls to count calories and lose weight. Really. We had to go to this website (except for me because I don't have a laptop) that would tell us how many calories we expend on a daily basis. The lesson culminated in the girl next to me, who is tall and super duper skinny and a hardcore softball player, declaring that because she expends upwards of 3000 calories a day, she is now going to cut down to 1500 calories per day. The teacher just nodded and was like "That's how you lose weight." So it was on me to explain why creating a deficit of over 1500 calories would lead to unhealthy levels of weight loss and also probably make you feel like complete shit because you wouldn't have nearly enough energy for your body to function.
• She's homophobic. She said that she has never seen Brokeback Mountain because she "doesn't do the gay thing." Then she shuddered. Really.

4. Health is a ridiculous course requirement after taking Psychology, Anatomy, and AP Biology first.

So yes, no class makes me more likely to kill myself or someone near me than Health. Oh sweet irony.

Today is awesome because: Your Pants aren't blocked at school which a.) Allowed me to spend my entire free bell in Your Pants and b.) Allowed me to loudly imply acts of a sexual nautre with my Nerdfighter friend in the hallway by shouting, "Hey Katie! Your Pants aren't blocked at school! In fact, I just spent an entire full block of free in Your Pants! I love how easy it is to get in Your Pants during school! I just love being in Your Pants!"

So that was fun.

4/5: Whoopsies!

I did it again. I waited until 10 minutes to midnight to blog!

So anyway, I had a shitty day today. No particular reason why, just the torture of getting up way to early after not nearly enough sleep to spend 7 hours with people I hate. Seriously, I have no more than one friend in any of my classes. And I have no friends in two of them. And we were taking blood pressure in anatomy and my partner DIDN'T LISTEN TO INSTRUCTIONS and went ahead and cranked the cuff right up to 250 before I could stop her. Seriously, she just kept pumping away until I was literally screaming. So now my arm is killing me. Thanks, girl-who-i-am-nice-enough-not-to-call-out-by-name-online.

And yeah, basically I hate my life. But then I went to acting. And it was a beautiful hour spent away from the real world, away from my real self. And I did a new monologue about how much the world sucks that includes jabs at Sarah Palin and the Pope. And I felt way way better.

And I went to Chipotle but I didn't feel good when I got home so I did something artsy (see below) and took a shower and by the time I was ready to eat my Chipotle, my puppy had beaten me to it. So I bitched to my parents and they made me eggs and bacon except the eggs were way underdone and the bacon was tough and gross. And I've never called bacon gross before so you know it was bad. So yeah, rough day.

So now I'm going to go to sleep and hope tomorrow is better. Or at least that I survive the next 7 weeks and 6 days until I graduate. I cannot fucking wait.

Today is awesome because: I made a pokebra. Pictures tomorrow! (not of me wearing it though...) Also, I had a beautifully awkward moment at J0-Ann's Fabrics when the 85 year old lady at the register asked what the fabric paint was for: "Um...I'm going to paint pokeballs on...um...shirts..."

1 minute left! YES!

4/4: Oh shit, it's almost midnight!

This is going to have to be super quick because it's 11:50. My sense of time is skewed because I faked a headache so that I wouldn't have to go to Health because I was not in the mood to deal with my horribly ignorant and homophobic teacher. But she requires a blog post that will take much more than 10-no 9 minutes to write...

Also, I just discovered that my puppy ate my favorite pair of underwear that I have put forth such a great effort to keep from him. Looks like I'll be trolling Victoria's Secret for duplicates but they won't be as ridiculously on sale as my last ones! Boo having a puppy who really likes woman's underwear and boo being the only person in your family with a uterus!

And on that note, I'm going back to sleep. Because 7 hours wasn't enough. Sorry homework...

Today is awesome because: After 2 separate rants about homophobia and then cutting class to avoid it, the amazing Hayley G. Hoover posted this. I freaking love her.

Ha! 5 minutes to spare!

4/3: Fooood Baby and Transformations

I just went to The Melting Pot with my family. It was sooo good but I'm so full! Aaaah, cheese and flaming chocolate, you will be the death of me!

So now I have a food baby. I shall name her Jocelyn. I have no reasoning for that.

But what I really wanted to blog about was the transformative properties of clothes. I'm going to preface this by pointing out that I am hardly a fashionista. I am pretty much terrified to move to New York because everyone always looks so good there while my typical outfit is my Man Pants from Wal-Mart, my beat-up, smelly, 4 year old Uggs, and a wrock t-shirt that got covered in Drooble's Best Blowing Gum when my dog ripped up a whole box all over my room.

But something I noticed in my prom dress perusing is that clothes can completely transform you. I walked into a store today in the outfit that I just described (well I was wearing jeans but they were my barn jeans so they're hardly better than the Man Pants) and 15 minutes later, I looked like a freaking Disney Princess. My hair was as tousled as ever, my face was free of make-up, and I was wearing mismatched socks but it didn't matter. I looked like I was on my way to a high society ball. This is crazy to me.

Another example is when I went shopping yesterday, I walked in wearing a faux leather jacket, leather boots, and dark skinny jeans and the girl looked surprised when I immediately gravitated towards the Kaylee dress with its bright pink ruffles and long train. She showed me a dark purple dress covered in black tulle and I said it was too dark and she looked confused. I guess I looked like "too dark" isn't in my vocabulary.

It's probably because I do not understand fashion but I don't understand the concept of a "personal style." I like my gross sweats, I like my leather boots and jacket, and I like my tie-dyed and/or floral summer dresses. I dress like a hippie one day and a biker or something the next or else I'll combine the looks and look completely ridiculous but I was cold and the leather jacket was right there! And sometimes I want to look like a Disney Princess.

Which brings me to the prom dress reveal: I am ordering Dress #1 but in yellow. Then I'm going to do my hair like Belle's but with a tiara. Because when the hell else can you wear a tiara?

I still need a date. Does anyone want to dress up as the beast?

Today is awesome because: I'm done prom shopping. WOOOO!!!

4/2: Shopping

I hate shopping. So much. But prom* is coming up and I need a dress so I've been doing quite a bit of it lately. I've narrowed it down to 2 dresses and a runner up.

Runner up: It basically looks like Kaylee's dress** in Shindig if you watch Firefly except the ruffles are tulle, there's no hoop, and it's strapless and silky on top. So yeah, sort of like Kaylee's only pretty. I would totally wear it just to quote Firefly the entire night but it has a train that I don't want to deal with and everyone is going to wear pink and besides, I'm not Kaylee and I hate pink.

Dress #1: A royal purple ball gown with a gathered skirt that is tight until my hips so it actually shows my body to some extent. It has rhinestones across the bust, on the left hip, and surrounding the corset back. It makes me feel like a fairytale princess. It also weighs about 30 pounds but so did Belle's probably.

Dress #2: A kelly green ball gown with a huge tulle skirt that swishes when I walk. It has a sheer window in the front so it's still sort of sexy despite the empire waist but I'd have to get cups installed although that would result in me not having to wear a bra. And we all know how I feel about strapless bras.*** This one is super duper unique partly because no one wears ball gowns in the first place because they are unwieldy and difficult to dance in and partly because it is bright green. Also, I don't care that it is unwieldy because I promise I can do all of my favorite dance moves in it. Well, the Nate Pucke**** might be interesting but I'm sure I can make it work.

So anyway, I have no idea which one I like better. And I didn't even get pictures of Dress #2 because my mother does not know how to work my phone. But I'll get some tomorrow, I guess. I'm buying one or the other tomorrow so I guess I'll let blog about it then...

Today is awesome because: My horse is stupid amounts of fun to ride. And stupid amounts of good to me. And I love him a stupid amount. But that is a post for another day.

*Do you want to go with me? I don't really care who you are, I just want a date!

**I would definitely wear it if I could have the Captain on my arm...

***It helps that I'm the only person involved in "we all."

****"Paint your toes...paint your toes..."